When Your Insides Come Out

Not literally of course…..but I’ve seen that too ;)

In all seriousness, have you ever stopped to pay attention to what comes out of you when life throws you challenges? They don’t have to be big ones. Even the little stuff counts.

I’m specifically thinking of my Halloween decoration fiasco with my sweet little child as I write this, but I digress.

Most of us still see our reactions as a result of something outside of us. I would challenge that the reactions we have are a reflection of what lies beneath our coiffed exterior and have very little to do with the external circumstance.

On top of that, there are certain relationships and people that seem to squeeze way harder than others. You know the ones I mean. Usually it’s the people closest to you- your spouse, your children, your siblings, and, of course, your mother!

But why is that, and what does it actually mean?

Why is it that one day you can navigate a morning before school with playfulness and grace and another morning is wrought with harsh words and anger? Why does one conversation with your mother remind you of what an incredibly strong woman she is and another make you vow you’ll never discuss anything of significance again?

We could argue that different words were said or different behaviors were exhibited by the lovely coparticipants in our story, but that kind of justification strips us of the chance to truly see ourselves.

When we have easy interactions, we aren’t really squeezed. The magic only comes when we’re in the vice. It’s so normal and accepted through our conditioning to say we’re frustrated with someone else, how they behaved, and how they made us feel. What if we were able to see a situation where we were challenged for the gift it really is? What if we used it not to focus outside but to check what’s happening inside? I mean, at this point, it’s spilled all over anyway!

When our insides are coming out, it’s an invitation to get curious, to hold space, and to practice forgiveness and compassion for ourselves. This is where we get to find out what we’re made of. What is that person inside begging you to hear? Accept it. Allow it. Embrace it.

It’s an opportunity to love the you inside who’s trying to give you a message. Hey! Pay attention to me! I’m tired. I’m scared. I need time and space and affection. Ask yourself what you really need. Decide you’re important enough to pay attention.

The more you focus on what the other person did or the injustices of a situation outside of you, the more you relinquish your power. This is not about dismissing unjust behavior. It’s about controlling what you can control and becoming a better human in the process.

Taking radical responsibility for our reactions and behavior allows us to respond rather than react. It creates space between the impetus and the response, and as Victor Frankl notes, in that space lies magic.

When we see ourselves more clearly in this process, we can then see the other and the outside more clearly as well. We all become more human. We can love better-not only what or who is outside of us but ourselves as well.

As the late Wayne Dyer said, ‘What comes out of you when you’re squeezed, is what’s inside of you.’

If you frequently feel yourself emanating anger, frustration, doubt, shame, and fear, that’s ok! And, it’s your chance to work on changing and honoring the inside before you blame anything on the outside.

If you’re having trouble doing this, know you are NOT alone!

I can absolutely help! I can’t wait to navigate the squeeze together.

All my love,

Coach g